No Title

No title. Most Recent. My life.

Get it? It pertains to this post.

For those that don't... I recently came across a story of Hemingway that entirely revolutionized the opinions that I had for him. I used to not like his writing because it was so simple. He had no spice, no challenges. It was all simple, and for some reason I didn't like that. People like Faulkner, who you couldn't understand, excited me because you would have to really think to understand what he is saying. There is a sense of critical imagination with his writing. But with Hemingway... nothing.
Anyway I became so infatuated with Hemingway recently because of one single story that I heard from my SAT writing teacher at a studying class that I do every Saturday (I may have mentioned this in previous posts).
The story contained six words, "For Sale. Baby Shoes. Never Worn." Back when Hemingway was still a premature writer, there was a newspaper contest where the newspaper would publish one short story and help that writer get known to the public. There were thousands of long short stories (yes ironic I know), but Hemingway constructed this six word short story that told a whole story in six words. Only six words were necessary to tell a story, and Hemingway won the contest with his famous six word short story.
Okay, I was absolutely mind blown by this story. I was so amazed that instantly, I found a new respect for Hemingway. I don't know why, but I thought it was genius. This is my favorite short story because it made a huge impression on me. I never even thought this would be possible... It was perfect.

Okay now for the part that actually relates to this post.
Honestly, I really haven't getting anywhere in my life right now. I promise myself that I would do somethings with Art, Music, Studies, and Working out. I've been getting lazy lately and I really hate it. But I feel like there is nothing I can do about it. Its just that I want to do it, but I never do. Solutions? anyone? I really need to figure myself out. This summer wasn't as productive as I planned it out to be. Shenron? My wish? Make me productive.

I Don't Care About My Future

I think one of the things that I'm starting to have less belief in as the belief pounds my head every passing moment is predestined futures. To religious folks I know this can be a controversial topic. Let me assure you that I do believe in God, but I'm very minimalist about it. I like the bible its cool, and I think there is a God up there. The one I believe in happens to be the one and only Father, but then again if I were born into a Jewish or Islamic family then that would be different. That's basically the extent to my belief because simply I hate religion. If our past believers were so content on impressing God then why did they have to go and senselessly start all those wars like the Crusades for example. I get the whole concept of spreading religion, but I don't see anywhere in the bible that says "Jesus, the Messiah, told me to convert all the men of the world, and if they don't obey then I am obligated to KILL THEM ALL!" So that's my main reason. And there are also those those sick preachers that tell you something is the devil, and you have to agree to stop doing it or else you are unholy or sinful. That kind of believing doesn't make sense to me.

Anyway, the whole idea of a predestined future troubles me in the fact that regardless of what you do, its going to happen. So if someone says you are going to end up as a doctor that saves people then its going to happen? That means you can live like crap and still be a doctor. I don't understand it. Ultimately its up to you on what you do with you're life. It's not like God is going to possess you and make you work hard to be a doctor. But on the contrary, if you work towards being a doctor then isn't that not considered predestined because you worked towards it? I don't get it.

Now for the personal touch to this whole post.
I guess my mom has high hopes for my future because she believes in this predestined stuff. Both my mom and my dad had a dream right before I was born, and they both dreamed about me doing some great deed except it was symbolized throughout the whole dream. If I remember correctly from what my mom told me, she had a dream where I got rid of a snake that was threatening her. A few years later, my dad's friend/mentor came to our house for whatever reason that he did, but he told my parents that I would have a big impact on the world. Then a few years ago, I went to church and this guy was preaching and he told the church that I would become a big impact on the world, specifically a doctor that saves lives. Frankly, I don't believe it. Sure it makes me feel good about myself because all these people are telling me what I'm going to do when I'm older, but I just don't think I'll end up there one day. I mean if I wanted to do that, then I would have to work hard right? I feel like if I worked for it, then it wouldn't be predestined.

Its like Old Spice.... but with Art

Its like that, but with my art. Its extremely hard to think with, in my case, a thick fog shrouding your mind from all the imaginative ideas all gathered in one spot in your brain. I really hate it. I think I can finally understand what writers feel when they sit in front of a computer, staring blankly at the screen not knowing how to elaborate on their one sentence plot.

At the start of my art filled journey, I was putting down pieces of creativity down on paper like it was second nature. Everyday a new design, figure, or subject popped into my head and with a little creativity, it became a masterpiece to me. I guess part of this can be due to the lack of influence... no, that's not the case because Alex Pardee and my imagination is enough for me. So I don't get it. Why can't I make something? It really makes me angry, not having ideas that you want to put on paper. Its like being a kid, getting a new toy car, and only knowing that that toy car can go forward on a surface. No imaginative flying engine, no drifting capability, no transforming, no indestructible body, no nothing. Just a straightforward, drive straight and that's it.

If anyone has the mathematical equation to getting ideas and searching the deepest parts of your brain, then please, I beg you to give it to me. I'm in need.

Healing Powers

You know I've always had this thing with helping people with their problems, and I honestly thought I was good at it. From a third person stand point, its quite simple to logically think your way through other people's problems and find something good to say about it. Now, I'm talking relationship or stress problems because in high school, no one has any REAL problems. All this interest in how the minds of people work got me highly interested in Psychology which, in fact, is what I'm planning to pursue in the future, for now anyways. I've always wanted to help people with whatever adversity they were facing, so if an opportunity presented itself, I jumped head first into it. Seeing how I've only been in one relationship and I really don't stress about a lot of things, I find myself very ill-prepared to help other people since I obviously lack the experience. But in spite of that fact, I read a lot of articles about this kind of stuff. Enough to have created a mental solution book of methods for dealing with whatever problem I try to resolve.

There is one problem with all this.

Recently I talked to a friend, and by recently I mean 20 minutes ago, about his tragic break up tonight. I guess in a sense, he motivated me to write this blog entry. But like any chance, I took it and tried to not necessarily help but advise him through it because I thought that this break up was well worth giving my input.

I realized two things from this experience:
1. I'm not entirely confident about my advice. I know I sounds so flawlessly confident that my advice was good, but in reality, by the time I got finished sending my last message to my friend, I stopped myself wondering "Did I say the right things?"
2. High school relationships aren't something preoccupy your life with because there is very little teenagers know about real relationships and the responsibilities of it.

So I guess the problem lies between my confidence in my input because I don't want to jeopardize break ups even further.

Insanity

No, this is not about my mental insanity if there, by any chance, is any. But this is about Insanity, the Insanity Workout.

A really good friend of mine, Vincent, suggested a couple of days ago that we go through with this workout that he has been wanting to do for a long time, and the good guy that I am, I humbly accepted this challenge with no hesitation what-so-ever. I mean, I did look at the all the success stories and how people managed to lose 20 pounds, 6 inches off their waist, and gain the body of the Gods, but I didn't think even for a second I would struggle as much as I did. Honest to god, I watched a success video of a guy saying that he threw up on the first few workouts and I sat on my ass, mentally laughing at the guy for having a weak stomach.

I guess the reason why I wasn't thinking logically about whether or not this workout would be best for me is because, in simple terms, I'm jealous therefore desperate. I look at some of the people around me, walking down the street, sitting in my classes, or even eating lunch at McDonalds and when I see that they are skinny (not necessarily muscular) it makes me flare in jealousy. What made them so lucky that they got metabolism that burns fat the moment it get in their system? Clearly, I don't have that. So I'll speak for the people that worked their asses off through exercise to get what they want, including me.

Just half a year ago, I hit 200 pounds and I was still going up. I felt that I couldn't take it anymore, so I started my physical rebirth. During these past months, another good friend of mine motivated me run a lot which really helped me reach my goal, but I'm not done yet. In a sense, all this running has turned me into something I thought I would never be. An exercise freak. I can't sit for 3 days without going out and doing a couple miles, its stuck to me and that, my friend, is what I call a damn good addiction. Now, I've dropped a lot of weight, probably more than 30 pounds of body fat while building muscle, which puts me at a good 180 pounds on a inaccurate weight scale. So thanks for that Felicitas. Much love.

Now, back on topic. I think the Insanity program should have better equipped you... with unsuccessful stories. Even though it would have jeopardized business, people need to know the truth which I offer to you now. The title says it all, this workout is insane. If you haven't exercised in more than half a year, this is not recommended. If you don't have a strong sense of motivation, this is not recommended. I only recommend this if you are desperate, like me. I was a hypocrite to laugh at the man that threw up because quite frankly, I was on the verge of hurling out all the food I consumed today. Of course, I'll go on with this because a promise is a promise, I just don't think I'm ready yet. Keep in mind that I exercise on a regular basis so I'm in decent shape, but Insanity doesn't know limits, but I think it has taught me mine.

P.S. This was written after only doing the Fit Test. That is the very first session, its to test Fitness. The real workouts are still untouched.

The Start of Rebirth

To establish a mutual understanding between my audience and me, I don't expect fame out of this blog. In fact, I don't expect any comments or subscribers much less the amount of views. Its simply something that was triggered by a teacher's assignment and a friend's decision. I never imagined in my whole life that a blog would be of interest to the corrupt mind of a 16 year old boy who not yet has experienced even the slightest bit of life. I imagined my life to be a bit more mundane. I don't particularly go out and party every night, but I'm sure that my mind isn't so lazy that I spend half my days withering away under a social addiction.

My name? As little importance as it is, Its Ubi Kim (pronounced like "you bee"). As a new upcoming senior at Righetti High School a blog should be the thing that is least on my priority list, but I can't really seem to find things that really interest me nowadays. I mean, why is it that the things we have to do are things that we really dislike? SATs, AP tests, summer homework, you know the only worries of a aspiring scholar in a school of less devoted students. But enough of that, this blog wasn't made for a venting cycle about my education. It serves a sole purpose of creating a place where people are free to know what is on my mind. You could think of it as an limitless status update.

There is a reason for the stylish wording of the title. Its not for show, it actually has some meaning to it. I honestly don't know where my life will go from this point on (not like anyone does) so I've created this blog in order to record my thoughts in hope of finding something. I always thought of myself as dead, maybe because I felt that I wasn't going anywhere in life. Maybe time just moves to slow for me. I feel like I'm in a constant stalemate with progress because nothing around me is getting better. If anything its getting worse. I don't know how long this process will take, but everything has a start right? Mine is just a little more drastic than others.