I Don't Care About My Future

I think one of the things that I'm starting to have less belief in as the belief pounds my head every passing moment is predestined futures. To religious folks I know this can be a controversial topic. Let me assure you that I do believe in God, but I'm very minimalist about it. I like the bible its cool, and I think there is a God up there. The one I believe in happens to be the one and only Father, but then again if I were born into a Jewish or Islamic family then that would be different. That's basically the extent to my belief because simply I hate religion. If our past believers were so content on impressing God then why did they have to go and senselessly start all those wars like the Crusades for example. I get the whole concept of spreading religion, but I don't see anywhere in the bible that says "Jesus, the Messiah, told me to convert all the men of the world, and if they don't obey then I am obligated to KILL THEM ALL!" So that's my main reason. And there are also those those sick preachers that tell you something is the devil, and you have to agree to stop doing it or else you are unholy or sinful. That kind of believing doesn't make sense to me.

Anyway, the whole idea of a predestined future troubles me in the fact that regardless of what you do, its going to happen. So if someone says you are going to end up as a doctor that saves people then its going to happen? That means you can live like crap and still be a doctor. I don't understand it. Ultimately its up to you on what you do with you're life. It's not like God is going to possess you and make you work hard to be a doctor. But on the contrary, if you work towards being a doctor then isn't that not considered predestined because you worked towards it? I don't get it.

Now for the personal touch to this whole post.
I guess my mom has high hopes for my future because she believes in this predestined stuff. Both my mom and my dad had a dream right before I was born, and they both dreamed about me doing some great deed except it was symbolized throughout the whole dream. If I remember correctly from what my mom told me, she had a dream where I got rid of a snake that was threatening her. A few years later, my dad's friend/mentor came to our house for whatever reason that he did, but he told my parents that I would have a big impact on the world. Then a few years ago, I went to church and this guy was preaching and he told the church that I would become a big impact on the world, specifically a doctor that saves lives. Frankly, I don't believe it. Sure it makes me feel good about myself because all these people are telling me what I'm going to do when I'm older, but I just don't think I'll end up there one day. I mean if I wanted to do that, then I would have to work hard right? I feel like if I worked for it, then it wouldn't be predestined.